One of the most common questions I hear is, “but you’re so intelligent, so self-aware, how could someone like you have fallen for him?”
It’s a question asked with confusion, sometimes judgment, and often disbelief. And my answer is always the same: intelligence/wisdom has nothing to do with it. Narcissists aren’t drawn to ignorance - they’re drawn to empathy. And empaths, in turn, are drawn to narcissists. It’s the perfect energetic storm. One has an endless amount to give and the other has an endless amount to take.
The empath feels needed, purposeful, maybe even special. The narcissist feels powerful, adored/praised and in control. In the beginning, it almost feels like fate a deep, magnetic connection that seems to defy logic. But it’s not chemistry, it’s conditioning. It’s trauma disguised as passion. The empath keeps giving because that’s what she does - she believes love can heal. And the narcissist keeps taking, because that’s what they do - they believe love is control.
Eventually, though something breaks because their mask slips. The empath starts to see the truth. She realizes it’s not that she’s helping them - it’s that they’re draining her. That the relationship isn’t about mutual growth or care but about maintaining dominance. And when she finally starts to wake up, when she begins to pull away, when she’s ready to leave - that’s when the narcissist panics. Because it’s never been about love. It’s always been about control.
When control starts slipping, the mask comes off. That’s when the begging, crying, threats, and manipulation start. Suddenly, the same person who belittled you, ignored you and treated you like you were disposable now claims they can’t live without you. They’ll say, “If you leave me, I’ll go insane or hurt myself.” But that’s not love - that’s emotional blackmail. That’s fear dressed as affection. And it’s designed to pull you back into the cycle.
What people don’t understand is you don’t stay with a narcissist because you love them. You stay because they’ve manipulated you into believing you have to. It’s fear-based. It’s survival. And that’s what forms the trauma bond - the push, the pull, the intermittent reward that keeps you hooked. But when you finally wake up and see it for what it is, that’s the moment everything changes.
Because once you see the pattern, you can’t unsee it. And that’s when you have to go - and never look back. If you stay, even once, you show them your insecurity. And oh, how they love insecurity. They thrive on it. It feeds their ego, makes them feel superior, powerful, in control. Think of it like a toddler who’s just been told “no” for the first time. They’ll scream, stomp, and throw themselves on the floor until they get their way. The only difference is this isn’t a toddler - it’s a grown adult in emotional diapers. And that’s what makes it sad.
That’s why it’s at that exact moment - when they’re begging, crying, threatening, or guilt-tripping - that you need to walk away. Not slowly. Not halfway. Fully. Because once you stop letting them cross your boundaries, once you know your worth and refuse to be controlled, that’s when everything shifts. That’s the beginning of your leveling up.
You start to realize that peace feels better than chaos. That love shouldn’t be painful or conditional. That your worth doesn’t depend on someone needing you - it depends on you needing yourself. That’s when life starts to open up again. When you breathe differently. When you laugh without guilt. When your energy - the same energy they tried to drain becomes yours again.
You never stayed because you were naive. You stayed because you were loyal, hopeful, and kind. But once you understand the difference between love and control, you’ll never confuse the two again. And that’s where your real power begins.
